Log in


> Recent Entries
> Archive
> Friends
> Profile
> previous 10 entries
> next 10 entries

October 29th, 2015

09:13 am - Jason

I am so grateful that I met someone like him and made it out relatively unscathed.  I colitis hasnt calmed down since I met him. So this marks 1 year of active inflammation.  I am slowly recovering. I really was terrible to my body while dating jason. Great thing is without his influence I havent used. Nor thought about it for that matter. I learned that I can not let people t hat I care about influence me in such negative ways.  If they are, then they do not deserve to bw in my life. No more negativity.
I will not be manipulated in that way.  Never again.
Thank god I reached shelli in time. Thank you shelli
Jason was like every since you started talking to shelli.. blah blah. That was him losing his grip on me and he couldnt handle it. That was the moat abusive relationship I have ever been in. It was constant mental warfar and trying to make a unhappy person happy.  Its so hard being an empath.
Narcissists,  borderlines are drawn to empaths.  Olivia,  always stick to your gut. Because you are always right when it comes to that gut feeling. The only time I didnt listen to it was when I was involved with jason... look where I almost ended. They man breaks ppl.down in ways I have never seen. I wonder is jessica is still married? Bc I know jason would come between them

(Leave a comment)

09:01 am - This is how Jason would make me feel.

Jason would recall stories and events on how thingshappened. .. shit wouldn't add up.
Jason would use drugs and alcohol to debunk or change the story how he wanted.
I remember reaching out to shelli bc he was starting to make me question my judgment.
Jason is a really really really sick and troubled person.  Who is incapable of happiness in a normal healthy way.
Unfortunately, there is a good chance that we have all been gaslighted by someone at some point in our lives, even if it was just on a small scale by someone we barely know.

Sadly, many fall victim to it within their intimate relationships, or even in dealings with “friends” or family members.

There is also a high chance that we will have failed to spot someone was playing this insidious mind game with us and until we fully understand it, there is a high chance that it could happen again.

One of the main reasons we may not recognise it is that many of us will fail to believe those we trust and love are capable of manipulating us (it is this denial that keeps the dynamic going.) Also, the gaslighter will most likely be highly skilled at covering their tracks, keeping things subtle and being a skilled master or mistress of deception.

Gaslighting is one of the most extreme, dangerous and effective forms of emotional and psychological abuse and is mostly carried out intentionally. Gaslighting is a game of mind control and intimidation that is often used by narcissists and sociopaths as a way of controlling, confusing and debilitating someone.

The term gaslighting was coined in the 1938 play Gas Light and the film adaptions that were then created helped to enhance its popularity.

In the play the husband used forms of manipulation in an attempt to drive his wife crazy, for example he deliberately dims the gaslights in the house but told his wife that she was imagining it. With the use of various tricks he tried to convince his wife that she was going insane and also that she was losing her memory.

The whole intention of gaslighting is to decrease someone’s self-esteem and self-confidence so they are unable to function in an independent manner. The person being gaslighted will eventually become so insecure that they will fail to trust their own judgment, their intuition and find themselves unable to make decisions.

Eventually the victim will become so unsure of what reality looks like that they become completely dependent on their abuser. The abuser will appear to the victim to be the only one to have a clear grip of their mind and also of what is going on around them.

The abuser will systematically and frequently withhold information and then deliberately alter facts to disorientate their victim.

They may also remove things from certain places and then deny doing so to destabilize and confuse the other person.

The abuser will refrain from mentioning specific details and then convince the other person that they had told them, so the victim thinks they are losing their memory or their mind.

The abuser will say something then ask their victim to repeat what it is they have said. When the victim repeats clearly word for word, the abuser will lie to say they haven’t said a particular word, or that they have spoken it in a different tone of voice to that of which the abuser heard. For example, the abuser may say something angrily or aggressively, but when the victim gets upset, they will completely deny having used this tone, quickly changing their voice to a gentler and calmer tone. The abuser may then accuse their victim of deliberately trying to hear everything they say in a negative way—even though the abuser knows they deliberately wanted to appear as aggressive and negative.

Often, the abuser will want to create levels of distrust within the relationship to make the victim feel they either are cheating, or would cheat at the first opportunity. They may say things to make their victim feel insecure and jealous, for example, deliberately mentioning a certain person in a way that makes it sound as though there is more going on behind the scenes. When the victim questions this, the abuser will accuse the victim of having trust issues and this will falsely further confirm in the victim’s mind that they have serious insecurities and also, that they are extremely paranoid.

The abuser will make up very convincing lies to deliberately upset the other person and then call them names, mock them and put them down for getting upset and for overreacting. The abuser will also make light of anything that the victim feels is important to make the victim’s opinions, life-choices and thoughts seem juvenile or that they are inferior to their own. It is likely that the abuser will laugh at or sneer at their victim, but when questioned, convince their victim that they were imagining it.

Some warning signs that gaslighting is taking place:

Apologizing. A victim of gaslighting will constantly be apologizing for doing things wrong, even if they have done nothing wrong. Feeling sorry for everything means that the accountability and responsibility for all perceived wrong-doings has been claimed by one person—the victim. This ensures the perpetrator remains innocent and the victim is continuously guilty.

Can’t Make decisions. The victim will find decision making increasingly difficult, as they will feel that whatever they choose will be the wrong choice. Everything they do or say is wrong, so they feel that they are no longer capable of making rational decisions about anything, so they will leave it up to their abuser. This just gives the abuser even more power and control and prolongs the toxic dance that is taking place between the two.

Change. Change is not always easy to notice, since most change happens bit by bit, so the process can feel very natural in some ways. However, if the victim thinks back to who they were before the relationship and who they are now, they will probably see significant differences.

Confusion. Victims of gaslighting will often be in a constant state of bewilderment and confusion. They find it very difficult to trust their own mind, and constantly doubt their thought process. Their instinct fails to kick in because whenever it does, it is very quickly told that it is wrong, so it becomes a silent tool that ensures the gaslighter remains on top of their game. The victim will know that there is something seriously wrong, but they will find it extremely difficult to work out what. The person being gaslighted will always be wondering if they are overly sensitive as they always feel triggered to react to the gaslighter’s behaviour.

Withdrawn. The one being gaslighted will become withdrawn and often reclusive as they feel so low and beaten down that they have little confidence to socialise with anyone. The victim will feel safer spending time alone than with other people, as when those around them question what is wrong, or what is happening within their relationship, the victim just will not have the answers to justify what is going on.

Due to either depression or severe anxiety, the victim will find it extremely difficult to function normally within society or even with close friends or family. The abuser at this stage has won the battle for control, as without anyone to confide in the victim will find it very difficult to work out that it is the abuser that is causing the damage. The abuser will not want anyone to figure out their game, so, they will work hard to make sure their victim becomes alienated from anyone who could offer support.

Overall, the main reason for gaslighting is to create a dynamic where the abuser has complete control over their victim so that they are so weak that they are very easy to manipulate.

The gaslighter wants to appear superior to the one being gaslighted. By making their victim feel completely helpless with very low self-esteem, the abuser has complete domination over them, so they are very successful in manipulating their victim to get whatever it is they want. This can range from simply having their ego stroked by feeling like they are significantly better than the person they are with, and at the extreme end to being able to gain financial, sexual or material benefits as their victim feels too emotionally and mentally weak to fight back.

There are many reasons that someone would gaslight someone else, but it is always done for personal gain. The abuser has very little interest in their victim, other than using them for their own twisted benefit. When the victim becomes so low down that they are no longer of any great use to the gaslighter the relationship will die out. The abuser will distance themselves by ignoring their victim and using silent treatment as an intense form of emotional torture.

The victim will have no idea what to do to please or satisfy their abuser, and will often try anything to win over their abuser to regain the affection that was shown in the beginning stages. By now though, it is far too late. Any little amount of respect that the abuser had for their victim will have been completely depleted and it is very unlikely that the dynamic will change again.

The abuser will often walk away from their victim leaving them with a deep sense of frustration, shame, guilt, anger and often riddled with anxiety and depression. The victim is usually left in a vortex that they will struggle to climb out of, however, this will be compounded by a deep sense of relief that this vicious dance is over.

The abuser will walk away with a great feeling of satisfaction having won each and every battle and will move onto their next innocent victim with even more skill and experience, so they can begin this horrendous war once again.

The victim will very likely need counseling and a huge amount of support to build themselves back to a stage where they have confidence and can trust their own mind and intuition. It is imperative that the victim realizes that they have been a pawn in a very nasty game so they can let go of all the blame they have placed upon themselves and become familiar with the warning signs so that they do not fall victim again.

Anyone who has come through this type of experience will feel debilitated at first, however, they will only be temporarily weakened. They will bounce back stronger than before, having learned painful but valuable lessons along the way. The most important lesson—having complete faith in their intuition. As difficult as it is to accept, there are always red flags and warning signs in the initial stages.

When these signals show up, this is when we must trust completely in our instincts and never fail to listen to what our gut feelings are telling us. Our fight or flight reactions are there for a reason—to prevent us from entering into dangerous situations. When we feel an urgency to take flight—fly.

Fly far and don’t look ba

(Leave a comment)

October 28th, 2015

05:30 am - Outcast

All this timeI thought it was an outcast. With my family deep down my friends. But the reality of the matter is I was the one casting myself out.

(Leave a comment)

04:55 am - What it means to ne an empath

Free NewslettersSubscribeAdvertiseContact UsLogin
Elephant Journal
Loving & Understanding an Empath.
Alex MylesVia Alex Myleson May 21, 2015

Empath’s are unique personality types, their sensory levels are always on high alert, they are incredibly intuitive and their awareness and sensitivity to the energy levels that vibrate around them are extremely high.

If an empath senses something, they are not often wrong. If they think someone’s lying or that something is just “not right” you can bet your last dollar that they are not wrong.

Therefore, a basic understanding of this mystical and quite magical creature is highly beneficial.

Empaths have quite a few little quirks, traits and characteristics that are worth knowing about, and gaining a better understanding of, so that any relationship that is formed has a strong survival chance and also so that it thrives.

Empaths can be deeply misunderstood. It can take a little time to get to know them before they fully unravel and until their true magnificent spirit receives the opportunity to shine.

Love with an empath will be intense as they are energetically sensitive, therefore they will pick up on everything and anything that is happening around them. Regardless of whether emotions have been outwardly expressed, empaths will experience their partner’s emotions as deeply as they feel their own.

It is impossible to try to hide true feelings when romantically involved with an empath as they will likely have figured them out long before the person feeling them has. Empaths are highly intuitive yet sometimes fail to trust their inner voice as too many people have previously tried to wrongly convince them that their gut feelings were wrong.

Being a little naïve and trusting at times, the empath has doubted themselves and pushed aside their intuition, causing them to lose faith in the power they hold within that alerts them to any perceived signs of danger. That being said, the little nagging voice in the empath’s head will not subside until the reality and truth has been fully uncovered.

Empaths like truth. However hard it is to handle, they would rather be told things straight than told a lie, even if it is a white one. Although the truth isn’t always pretty, it is much nicer than spending days and nights trying to make sense of all the complicated energies and subliminal messaging systems that are going on.

If it’s one thing that empaths are amazing at it is dealing with a brutally raw and honest relationship. Although they can be rather delicate creatures on some levels, their strength in relationships is found where honesty, trust and loyalty come before anything else.

Empaths can be perceived as having hearts that are caged in. Although, this is only true when they have been deceived so many times they feel that their only option is protection. The true spirit of an empath wants to give and receive love in abundance, though they are only able to do this when they feel safe and secure that they are in a safe place to open the door and allow the love to flow.

One of the most tragic parts about the empaths character is that all too often the love is cast out in all the wrong places. Empaths feel the pain and sorrow of the whole world and feel that they want to heal and fix the world up and make things better for all concerned. This can be an amazingly powerful thing and this energy is exactly what the world needs. However, this can also be a deeply painful way to exist.

Not everyone sees the world the way an empath views it and because of this, an empath’s heart will be broken constantly and they will bleed endlessly for cruelty, injustice and inequalities. There will be many who will want to take the love, affection and the empath’s good nature with no care for giving any return.

Whilst this can teach an empath a lot about unconditional love and also an immense amount about self-preservation, it is also a deeply painful learning process.

An empath will fail to understand why others do not give out care, consideration and affection freely and why other people can so easily turn a blind eye to heartbreak and suffering when healing is what is required. Others may ridicule and belittle the empaths desire to reach out and make a difference, and this serves to add salt to their wounds.

When an empath feels hurt, what they need most is loving support and understanding so that they know they are not alone in wanting to use some of their powerful energy to heal and make changes in the world; if they receive this from a partner, a bond for life will very likely form.

Empaths will fall into the hands of those who want to take advantage of their somewhat naïve and caring nature. Again, this is another sharp lesson and one that can cause an empath to develop a sense of mistrust and what leads to protecting their emotions with barriers and brick walls.

It can also lead to an empath to feelings of unworthiness and also low-self esteem, as once they have depleted their energy reserves to such a low level by giving and not understanding how to protect themselves in the process, they can end up with a broken heart and with very little faith in mankind.

It is not in an empaths nature to take, they only know how to give, so to ensure the relationship is one of balance and is also harmonious, ensure the empath is shown love in the form of actions, so that the circle of love flows freely. Words will mean little to an empath, unless they are followed through. Their intuition will quickly pick up on something done with poor intent, or if a person’s words are inauthentic.

To love someone who is an empath means to recognise that they thrive when the flames are turned up, not down. An empath gives off a powerful and energetic fuel of love, light and radiance, though the fire only fully rages when an empath exists in a sacred place within which they feel secure enough to glow.

Empaths are soft, delicate and immensely vulnerable creatures on the inside, although, once burnt, on the outside they can appear incredibly strong. Once bitten, twice shy where an empath is concerned, they find it very difficult to forget deep wounds and to continue a relationship once foundations are rocked.

The best way to fully connect with an empath is by creating a safe and solid platform to build a future upon. If cracks appear through mistrust and deceit, it can become immensely difficult to repair them. Empaths thrive on trust, loyalty and dependability. Show them these things and the relationship will be very difficult to break.

As empaths are highly passionate people, they will often find a strong connection to a hobby or interest that others will find impossible to penetrate. Due to their creative side, they may find a resonance with music, dance, writing, art, activism, reading, Yoga, meditation, humanitarian causes or other similar interests. Whatever it is that has captured the mind of an empath will be become sacred in their hearts.

Empaths will immerse themselves in their hobbies and lose themselves completely and sometimes this can feel as though their interests are the only things that matter to them. Although they will have a deep attachment to their passions, it is far easier to understand that an empath loves all things at great levels of intensity and they need outside interests to survive and feel alive, this can sometimes be difficult for others to understand.

Space, plenty of space, and freedom to explore and submerge in their chosen activity is the easiest way to deal with this. Asking an empath to choose may not give the desired outcome that would be hoped for. The heart quickly gets connected to passionate interests, and once that connection has been made, the heart will be break if it has to be severed.

15 Most Unforgettable Lies Celebrities Ever Told
Celeb Cereal
Respect and understanding for another’s alone time can make or break a relationship with an empath. An empath will not want or expect anyone else to dive as deeply into their interests as they do, however, an understanding that their interests are significantly important can really make life a whole lot easier.

There is no need to feel ostracised or unwelcome, while there’s a little chance an empath will let you fully in to their special interest, it is far more likely they will gain more pleasure when they are wrapped up in it by themselves. This is not selfish or inconsiderate, it is just simply how the empath’s heart and spirit operate.

If they have a connection to something, it is intense and they will very likely wish to delve as deeply into it as is possible. Passions are a great energy release and empaths will possibly feel as though they zone-out while immersed, and they will very likely lose all track of time. Allow them to take pleasure in it, and with the free time this has created, take up interests separately rather than allowing resentment or frustration to build.

It possibly won’t last for too long, as empaths are known to move quickly from one interest to another once the initial burning desire of connection eventually simmers down.

As empaths are sensitive to energy, their worst-case scenarios are confrontations and aggressive situations. Although under normal circumstances they are one of the least violent and aggressive characters, they can very easily lose their self-control if they become absorbed in the negative and toxic energy that surrounds them. Empaths are fight or flight characters who more often than not, will prefer to take flight and remove themselves from the weight that the energy is bearing down on them.

If situations like this occur regularly, it can eventually lead empaths to become introverted and homebodies as they prefer the safety of their own environment where they are not subjected to the rise and fall of other people’s energies. After attending any kind of social situation, they will need downtime to recharge and to balance out their own energy fields.

Places such as supermarkets, nightclubs, the cinema or anywhere where there is a large crowd of people, will be very draining for an empath. They are very sensitive to light and sound, so these things can also have a detrimental and draining effect on an empath’s psyche. An empath will likely need to hold on to their partner’s hand or arm during such occasions, finding that their partner’s energy forms a soothing welcome block and temporary release from the energies that surround.

After attending any social function an empath may feel completely drained and the effects can be temporarily debilitating, meaning that all an empath will want to do is sleep or rest, possibly alone, until the absorbing effects of the occasion have worn off.

All in all, it will take a very secure, confident and balanced person to form a solid mutually beneficial and rewarding relationship with an empath. The empath personality type is a unique and extremely enchanting gift to the world. As long as their wings are not clipped, and they have the freedom and space to fly, it has the opportunity to be a deeply rewarding, incredibly loving and spiritually awakening relationship for both involved.

A connection with an empath can be a blessing and one of the greatest gifts from the universe as it offers the opportunity to look at the world through the lens of a kaleidoscope. Everything that may have once seemed normal for a relationship will be turned upside down as a new understanding and perspective is learned and the unconscious mind is preened open.

At times it may feel like being in the company of a magically gifted being who has special powers that we have been led to believe do not exist within humans. This can be both a blessing and a curse. Nothing will get past an empath as they see, feel and connect with everything at all times.

The one thing I would strongly recommend is to peel back all the layers that society labels as “norms,” “standards” and “expectations.” We are then free to discover a brand new way of existing; giving and receiving unconditional love, being fully alive in the moment, connecting deep within the core of our primal being and reigniting all the superpowers that are inherent within man.

A relationship with an empath can lead to uncovering special gifts such as intuition, energy awareness, deep connection and a brand new level of understanding the fellow man without the need for speech. All the things the modern world has tried, for far too long, to convince us we should deny.

True love can be a very difficult thing for an empath to achieve, although with the right person, with someone understanding, grounded, free spirited and trustworthy, love can be an intimate, deeply bonding, healing, fulfilling, empowering and healthy addiction that neither will want to break.

Relephant more to the above amazing articolo:

A Survival Guide For Highly Sensitive People, Introverts & Empaths.

Author: Alexsandra Myles

Editor: Travis May

Photo credits: Ira Meyer Photography (Used with permission), Becca & Matt

You May Like
6 Relationship Tips for Empaths.
Traits of an Empath & How to Recognise One.
How to Love an Empath.
Women Over 40: This Video Will Make Any Man Obsess Over You
Obsession Phrases Subscription
Ever Looked Yourself Up? This New Site Is Addictive
Instant Checkmate Subscription
This 60-second QUIZ reveals which "health" foods actually cause weight gain & accelerated aging
Fat Burning Kitchen Guide Book
  by Taboola Sponsored Links
Daily Wake-Up Call Newsletter

Get elephant's Daily Wake Up Call: a gap for inspiration & meaning in the inbox of your mind
e.g. Walter

e.g. you@domain.com
Incorrect source, offensive, or found a typo? Email us (please put title in subject bar of email so we'll be able to fix). Or do you want to write for Elephant?
{Waylon H. Lewis C Enterprises 2015: Use Rights in perpetuity. Ownership remains with author.}

About Alex Myles

Alex MylesAlex Myles is qualified as a Yoga teacher, Reiki Master, Teacher of Tibetan Meditation, Dragon Magic and a Spiritual coach to name just a few. Alex has no intention to teach others on a formal basis for many years to come, instead, she is collecting qualifications along with life’s lessons. One day, when the time is right, Alex will set up a quaint studio, in a quirky crooked building where she will breathe and appreciate the slowness of those days as life is just way too busy right now! Reading and writing has always been one of Alex’s passions. Alex likes to consider herself as a free spirit rather than a commitment-phobe. Trying to live as aligned to a Buddhist lifestyle as is possible in this day and age, she just does not believe in "owning" anything or anyone. Based on the theory that we ‘cannot lose someone that was not ours to lose’ she flails through life finding joy and magic in the most unexpected places. Mother to a 21 year old daughter and three adorable pups, she appreciates that some of the best moments in life are the 6am forest walks watching the dogs run, play and interact with one another and with nature. Connect with her on Facebook and check out her blog, Love and Madness.
Read more from Alex Myles »

TwitterTweet Facebook32837 shares 392,715 views
Become a member elephant journal
Join the Community. See fewer ads. Support indie journalism.

Sign up today and read as much Elephant as you like! Only $13 per year.

Follow the discussion
Comments (73)
Sort by: Date Rating Last Activity
+5 's avatar - Go to profile
patty gates · 22 weeks ago
Wow!! This explains me to the letter!! I have been called a hermit. agoraphobic, and other things. Ive known for years that im an Empath because i have always picked up other peoples joy, pain, health conditions, etc. When you say in this article that going out into society drains us, you are absolutely spot on. It can take me days to recuperate and i even feel ill with no explanation- no medical one anyway lol. I am a medium. and an empath and that causes me to just KNOW when im being lied to, or used or really truly loved. Thank you so much for validating what ive known for years. And, yes, it will absolutely take a very strong man to understand who i really am for me to ever be in a full time relationship.
Reply2 replies · active 22 weeks ago
+7 's avatar - Go to profile
Matt Giordano · 22 weeks ago
Alex, this is a beautiful article and I totally appreciated the clarity it brings to those of us that feel so deeply. Thanks for sharing! Would you be so kind as to say Matt Giordano and Rebecca Rasmussen are the people in the photo, it wasn't an easy decision for us to be totally vulnerable and pose in front of a camera for the world to see so we would be totally grateful for the acknowledgement our artistry as well. Thanks lovely and keep sharing your heart
Reply2 replies · active 11 weeks ago
+2 Patti's avatar
Patti · 22 weeks ago
I only wish I had been enlightened decades ago. Great read and spot on!!
Reply1 reply · active 22 weeks ago
+2 Serena Simi's avatar
Serena Simi · 22 weeks ago
Touched by the accuracy of this post..and found that it described many conditions. At times, I found myself substituting the word "human" for "empath", at others "introverts" and yet others "Capricorn;" all other labels for me.

This is a key.
+2 missyshimmy's avatar - Go to profile
missyshimmy22p · 22 weeks ago
As an empath myself it was really difficult to find an eprson who loves me unconditionally but i found it. I felt this inexplicable draw to my boyfriend for 12yrs before we dated and I have to say I am so lucky to have a man who loves me unconditionally. He may not be happy about me avoiding certain situations but he is ok with it. He always tries to calm me down when I need it and is there for the really tough times.Trusting people is so hard when you are an empath. And sometimes draining. I always have my friends asking me for adivce on their problems and it is draining. But my boyfriend keeps me grounded. He is the same as me. I actually got genetic testing done and found out I am one of the few people with the empathy gene. I wonder how many empaths have this gene too.
Reply1 reply · active 20 weeks ago
+2 Lorin's avatar
Lorin · 22 weeks ago
An amazing read. I have been in love with a fellow empath, Becky, for over two years now in a mostly long-distance relationship. Although, she did not realize she was one until I told her. It is uncanny how we sense each other's presence, each other's energy. And we have allowed each other to wander freely in each other's heart and soul. As you say, when we are connected, it is a truly magical experience. But when we are slightly disconnected, it is a grueling energy-depleting ordeal.

The biggest thing we are dealing with right now is how to give each other enough space to be our authentic selves. Thank you, Alex, for helping us understand the beauty of what we have.
+2 Krista's avatar
Krista · 22 weeks ago
You nailed it. Thank you. Living a life of being misunderstood is how an empath feels constantly. I'm so happy people have this opportunity to see it from our side!

My heart does break and bleed- it feels like 1,000 times a day. A true blessing and a curse;)

Good vibes to you!
+2 Amelie's avatar
Amelie · 22 weeks ago
"They are very sensitive to light and sound, so these things can also have a detrimental and draining effect on an empath’s psyche. An empath will likely need to hold on to their partner’s hand or arm during such occasions, finding that their partner’s energy forms a soothing welcome block and temporary release from the energies that surround."

And yet, I know that you would agree if I asserted these characteristics of "empaths" are not mutually exclusive, and all humans share these qualities to varying degrees, and not all empaths are incapable of navigating places like grocery stores without their significant other?

It is possible to be sensitive to the tones and moods of people around you without also being hypersensitive to things like gluten, sound, and confrontations. (I know you didn't mention gluten, but I think we can all agree it's implied for the subset you believe you're describing.)

It all just reeks of a hypersensitivity born out of an insulated existence. And what does it mean if someone is not an empath? Are they a dullard? A less sensitive or intuitive person? There are many, many types of intuition, just as there are many types of creativity. I would love to hear from an individual who considers him/herself an empath and has also confronted major hardship, loss, or poverty! Speak up if you're there!

I think what bothers me the most is that your hypersensitive readers will self-identify as "empath" and then use that as an excuse to keep themselves insulated. Maybe I'll be wrong? Thanks for writing it anyway; it has inspired a new perspective for me. :-)
Reply9 replies · active 6 weeks ago
0 Kristen Wilmot's avatar
Kristen Wilmot · 22 weeks ago
Wow! Now I understand my friend better! She's most definitely an empath. You described her to a tee. Thank you so much for enlightening me!
+2 JB's avatar
JB · 22 weeks ago
I did not know I was an empath until recently. I see this in my 4yr old granddaughter, how can I possibly help her. She's much too young to explain protection to.
0 Gwen's avatar
Gwen · 22 weeks ago
0 Donna's avatar
Donna · 22 weeks ago
This is me .I always am very intuitive and sense other people's pain .and get exhausted when I go out to concerts or big crowds or even out with friends I need down time . Amazing great article ,saving this
0 Firefly's avatar
Firefly · 22 weeks ago
I find that I have to be very careful about owning things that are second hand as I can feel the energy from previous owners. It's difficult because I'm not always in the financial position to own things that are brand new.
I can even pick up energy on things that people have touched. I was sent a book a few weeks ago. Before I even received the book, I knew it was coming. I picked up a lot of energy from that book.
I don't tell people that I am an Empath...husband doesn't even know...he doesn't believe in these things. There are a small amount of people who have picked up on it though...possibly similar people.
I used to be scared and confused about being an Empath, but not so much now.
0 Kat's avatar
Kat · 22 weeks ago
Thank you so very much, Alex, for sharing this. In my mid-40s, I am just now discovering that I am an empath and not just an unlovable freak that is way too sensitive and has a knack for choosing to love people who can't (or choose not to) return it to me. I cannot express how comforting it was for your piece to help me realize that I am not alone and that it is possible for me to find someone who can understand and love me just the way I am. Much gratitude for reaching out to me and other sensitive souls. Peace and love to you.
0 Darinka's avatar
Darinka · 22 weeks ago
Incredible. I don't think anyone has described me this well and with so much detail. I think the only one thing that I would add to myself personally, is that I tent to forgive (never forget) those that have stabbed me and been intrusive in some ways. I guess I like to give second chances to certain people and I try to see the positive in them. This includes when I have removed myself from someones life, because of their negative-toxic energy. I always hope they have changed in some way, even though deep down inside I know they haven't. After a second or third chance, I completely dim the light with them and never turn it on again. I have learned and became an expert at turning my switch on and off, even though its painful with some people. Some have labeled me as weird, strange, full of it, even called me a fibber or story teller, not realizing I speak from the heart. Then when they realize I was right, they apologize or want to know how I knew. Thank you, Thank you Alex for this wonderful article.
0 Julianna's avatar
Julianna · 22 weeks ago
What about empaths who drink to dilute their sensitivities?
Reply1 reply · active 17 weeks ago
0 kay's avatar
kay · 22 weeks ago
Hello I think you are confused and doing a diservice to true empath. What you are describing for the most part is highly sensitive people or empathic.
While various aspect of your essay are true . You paint an untrained highly confused empath.
You fail to mention that many true empath are aware of their gift/curse depending how you look at it. Some empath shamelessly use their abilities on the non empath. You need a balanced approach when discussing this topic.
True empath are maybe 4% of the population. They are at a disadvantage. This isn't like LGBT issues. Their (LGBT identities) do not adversely affect people. Empaths do. Empaths have the ability to read people, see lies, and manipulate people based upon their emotions. Right now they are relegated to airy fairy notions so they are ignored. One only has to watch Sci fi shows like star trek to see what could happen when telepathy and empath are exposed to a general population. In one episode of star trek next generation an ambassador concealed his empath abilities and shamelessly exploited non empath. Do you see parralel in our society? The sales person you can't say no to, the charismatic politician...etc. You believe that the empath is just suffering. .what would happen if they harnessed their abilities.
Another episode I highly recommend you watch. Star trek voyager empath are rounded up and destroyed by a fearful species. Remember a fully aware society can be destructive.
Reply2 replies · active 14 weeks ago
0 's avatar - Go to profile
Kathrine · 22 weeks ago
Yes! Finally, a tutorial on the subject of 'Me.' I'm so glad I'm not alone, though of course I 'knew' that already.... now, to learn to split from negative energies instead of allowing them to pervade. That is the current task upon me. I thank you for the affirmations here, dear one.
0 's avatar - Go to profile
James von Tungeln · 22 weeks ago
To sum up so much of your article, it would be easy to just say, "many empaths are "shamans," or have many of the same characteristics. Many of us deep down are very spiritual, and if something does not affect us spiritually it is of little use or concern. We have visions that are often a "time frame" of something that will happen. Many of us are forced to live literally in two worlds. I had a near death experience and that world was much more real than this one is to me now. The dream world is powerful...and oftentimes scary as we confront our true natures (like the silverback gorilla), and see beyond the beyond (if we have the courage and stamina). Sometimes we are forced to live lives where the absolute strange and unusual is a daily occurrence. I joke about driving with an empath who drives by some strange radar. Logic is our enemy and we make decisions by already knowing. Time for us is not linear, but circular, and it can be easy to see things coming. Many empaths are INFP's on the Myer-Briggs. We are healers, and this is the blessing and curse -- to be able to see what people really need and not be able to give it to them, unless they are really ready. Sometimes they are the "Magic Man" of song fame, and can heal with sensuousness. I once wrote that the only way the moth can avoid the flame is having a brighter light within. Empaths can learn to allow that light in and tap into "the" source. However, it is an extremely lonely way of life. We see all the needless pain, and the "demons" people are afraid to face (actually angels healing us to become unfettered and joyful.) Just having giving us empathy about our unusually strong, often strange, feelings is the best gift we can ever have. Make us feel safe! Don't try to understand us. That just makes us nervous. Just give us a safe place to "be who we will become" and we will do the rest. And life will never be boring, and you will even be blessed to ride along with them. They see so much more than the rest of the crowd, and often find serendipity.
"I was one within and one without while living in a dream I had no doubt." I wrote that 50 years ago...and it is more true today than yesterday.
Jim VT
Reply1 reply · active 15 weeks ago
0 Chuck's avatar
Chuck · 22 weeks ago
I resonate with almost all of this. However, I do think that there are more "extroverted" empaths and "introverted" empaths. For me, going to crowds can be a way of being in the swim of a lot of different peoples energies and can actually be a great way to distract or delight through other peoples/beings energies. For those of us who are extroverted empaths, being around a lot of different energies can feel life giving rather than overwhelming. I think the difference between empaths and non empaths regardless of their "introverted/extroverted" tendencies is that there is a need for sorting out self and other after the experience of interactions like these. And often this process looks similar for all types of empaths. But for me, holding onto the arm of someone close to me in the crowd as you describe in the article would just be more stimuli to sort through. Practices such a sheilding and grounding would help me more with overwhelm then adding the energy of a beloved.
0 Veronica Toohey's avatar
Veronica Toohey · 22 weeks ago
This article is exactly me and I can see exactly how I have soaked up and taken on board what others say I'm SUPPOSED to be! I am now struggling to release all the build up of others' misunderstanding of me.
Now I know why I have had major outbursts as I've become older - I just could NOT understand why, when I genuinely and spontaneously do "nice" things and embrace the empathetic path (even if it hurt me) - that others still were suspicious or judged me as inauthentic!!! I was (am still a little) so incredibly hard on myself.
The "blindsiding" that occurred all of my life is explained!!!
I think I have played a bit of a victim - and I don't enjoy that.
Now I can see that actually I am beautiful and authentic and that I am actually a ridiculously nice person - the reaction of others is their issue/suspicion and I am fine!!!
0 Dan's avatar
Dan · 21 weeks ago
Well, I'm an empath and no more than about half of this pertains to me. I don't always mind crowds or being around people. I don't always like participating in my hobbies alone, I don't always need to "recharge" after being around crowds, I don't normally read, I don't normally write, I've NEVER done yoga (and don't plan on starting), I don't always meditate, etc. I live my life like any other person, I'm just simply an empath.

I think this is a fantastic, informative article, but I believe this is also misleading about all empaths. We're not all miserable and super-sensitive to the point we can't deal with everybody and everything around us.
Reply1 reply · active 21 weeks ago
0 Cece's avatar
Cece · 21 weeks ago
I have always known I was an empath, but this explains to me so much about ME and my life. Even my own son does not believe I can feel words in something written. Thank you!
0 Monica's avatar
Monica · 21 weeks ago
I'm so blessed a friend shared this on Face Book. Describes us divinely & we should start an empath club not only for support but to bring the tribe together. For so many years walked this life being questioned why do I reach out to people to help if I don't get anything in return, what's the point. Or you're shy, no I just see thru the B.S & don't want to hurt their feelings. lol Yes, sometimes it was a roller coaster. Dove into feet to head in spiritual journey 3 years ago and never looked back from meditation, yoga, & just doing what my heart feels not even asking why was the best step ever to learning about myself; coping mechanism or just letting loose idk but happier than I've ever been relationship or not it will all come at it's time. :)
I feel God has given this gift for a reason not only to teach about unconditional love but to heal pacha mama for the next generations to come. Thank you so much for writing this, love & light my sister. :)
0 's avatar - Go to profile
Christine · 21 weeks ago
Thank you. I always knew I had a great deal of empathy and entered into a long career I n law enforcement to help people. But it drained me and my relationships suffered. I found I was with people that I wanted to help, but had only interest in getting what they could financially from me.. I am now at the point I can't trust anyone and feel more alone than I ever have. I'm meditating and staying centered. I'm just at anyone lone standstill anyone lines to what to do next. My Jesus complex is overwhelming. I feel if I retreat I'm not doing what I was put on this Planet to do. What a quandary. Your article gave me some clarity, so I thank yup for that.
123Next »
Post a new comment

Enter text right here!
Comment as a Guest, or login:
Login to IntenseDebate
Login to WordPress.com
Login to Twitter
NameEmailWebsite (optional)

Displayed next to your comments.

Not displayed publicly.

If you have a website, link to it here.

Submit Comment
Subscribe to
Get Elephant Journal's Daily
Wake-Up Call.

e.g. Walter

e.g. you@domain.com

(Leave a comment)

October 14th, 2015

02:40 pm - How to beat loneliness


(Leave a comment)

October 13th, 2015

06:28 pm - Lmfao this is jason and lucys relationship... lol

The Grandiose Narcissist

This type more clearly demonstrates a familiar kind of narcissism we all recognize: He sees himself as more important, and more influential, than everyone else. He touts his own accomplishments, exaggerates their importance, and wants to elicit your envy or admiration. He believes he is destined for great things. When charismatic and driven, his achievements may actually match his ambition and you may find yourself drawn into an admiring orbit around him.

How to Cope: His assertions of superiority might make you want to stand up for yourself and compete. Don’t. Any challenge will only cause him to escalate his efforts to appear superior. On the other hand, you may find yourself drawn to a Grandiose Narcissist with charisma because you want to share in his superiority. He might strike you as a sort of celebrity, a person you’d like to submit to and serve. Be careful not to give too much: The Grandiose Narcissist won’t feel grateful and will do nothing to help you unless there’s something in it for him. If necessary, he will discard you without a second thought.
The Seductive Narcissist

Unlike the other types of Extreme Narcissist discussed here, this one manipulates you by making you feel good about yourself. At first, she will appear to admire or even idealize you, but her ultimate goal is to make you feel the same way about her so she can use you. She wants your support and admiration and will flatter you in order to get it. But when she has no further use for you, she’ll give you the cold shoulder.

How to Cope: It helps to be humble. Don’t be swayed by flattery or excessive admiration, as wonderful as it may feel to receive it. Watch how she treats other people who may be her rivals or cast-offs. Seeing them suffer under her callous indifference might give you a glimpse into your own future, once you’ve outlived your usefulness.

(Leave a comment)

October 5th, 2015

11:16 pm - This is what I want

essier means when she fantasizes about the man to whom she would say, "I want to live a single life with you":

"I want to eat with you, want you to make me talk about me and for you to talk about you… I want to imagine the loft of our dreams, knowing that we will probably never move in together.

"I don't always want to be invited for your evenings out and I don't always want to invite you to mine.

"I want to be your good friend, the one with whom you love hanging out. I want you to keep your desire to flirt with other girls, but for you to come back to me to finish your evening. Because I will want to go home with you. I want to be the one with whom you love to make love and fall asleep… For our couple life would be the equivalent of our single lives today, but together."

(Leave a comment)

October 3rd, 2015

05:15 am - Keep her or let her go

if she doesn’t scare the hell out of you a little, she’s not the one.” ~ Unknown

In terms of the heart there is only one question to ask—do you want another to take your place?

Love is never easy—and it seems that the longer time goes on, the more difficult it becomes.

While true of love can’t be rushed, at some point we need to make a choice.

To love her or to leave her.

Within the quaky boundaries of tangled love affairs there rarely exists an easy ending.

There is the off again, on again, never really able to let go type of romance which is the most painful—but also is the most intoxicating.

But, the simplest question we need to be asked in situations such as these is: do you want another to take your place?

Can you picture your life without her or hers without you?

Can you move forward in this life never staring into her eyes again or hearing her laughter pierce your heart?

It’s not because she doesn’t care for you, or because she wouldn’t move mountains to make things right, but simply because she is worth more than a maybe.

While you may not be able to decide, the question to ask is: do you want another to step in where you were unable to step up?

If the thought of another man taking her hand and kissing her senseless makes you quiver with anxiety and a stomach sick with regrets, then you already know your heart can’t let her go.

She deserves more than halves and pieces—but you knew this already.

It is your inability to decide that tells you that she is of a higher carat than all the rest—and while she may make you question everything about yourself—she is also the answer.

This isn’t about the inner battles of feeling adequate enough or wondering if you’re what she needs—because if she has chosen you, then you simply have to trust that you already are.

It’s not even about knowing how it will all work out, but knowing that your life just won’t be the same without her.

While it can be scary to make the decision to love, making the choice of never knowing is one that will create eddies of instability within your soul.

For sometimes the only way to know what a woman means to you is to imagine what it would feel like to lose her.

It’s not because she doesn’t see the value in hanging on, because she does want to be your stability, but she also has to know that she is hanging on for a reason.

If you don’t give her a reason to stay, it’s the same as giving her a reason to go.

Being afraid is an easy out, but it’s not one that will last forever.

If you find yourself here in this moment with a woman who seems to have gotten under your skin—then there is nowhere to go but even deeper.

If the thought of her holding another’s hand and letting him touch all the soft warm places on her body—that your hand loved to roam—causes no discourse in your soul, then by all means let her go.

But if you can’t imagine her with anyone else, then maybe it’s time to do something about it.

Not because you suddenly know all the answers, but because you do know you don’t want to say goodbye yet.

She has been there waiting for what seems like far too long and while you’ve balanced on the line of knowing and confusion the most important thing to remember: the wrong man would never have questioned his ability to be the right man for her.

Why Aren't People Using This Trick To Get Grants* For School Online?
*Qualified Students – ClassesUSA
No, the wrong men line up in arrogant facades presenting what they think she needs because they aren’t truly interested in knowing what dances behind her eyes.

Only the right man would doubt his ability and his worthiness of her.

For it isn’t the boastful that catches her heart, but the sincere.

Because if you can’t let go, then maybe it’s time to start holding on.

This isn’t about past situations where you both knew you are all wrong for one another, or the relationships that have ended, with scars yet to heal.

This is about the love that has been left waiting in limbo.

The choice to chase after her, or to let her go.

Real love never gives ultimatums, nor does it pressure someone—it’s simply there.

But even if it’s a constant that you could set your watch too, that doesn’t mean it should ever be taken for granted.

You have found a woman who you just can’t quit—a woman who sets the fire in your soul, and who challenges you to be a better man. One who is there for you even when it pains her to be, but yet is always welcoming with understanding—then you have found it.

For we can’t ask for more than acceptance of who we truly are, and if a woman has stayed loyal without any reason to, then that is the woman who deserves the world.

But the thing is—so do you.

You deserve the amazingness of this woman and the world that she spins. You deserve her care and her understanding, her passion and her sensuality, her thoughtfulness and her hope.

Not because she is perfect, but because it is your fears about this woman that tells you she is something different.

And while years could pass and she could still probably be there—we both know a woman like this deserves more.

So, sometimes the only question to ask is if you want another man to have her?

Do you think another man could know her heart like you do and accept her for all she is?

If you think another lover would better treasure her soul and her body, then you can let her go with an easy heart.

But, if not—then you know.

She’s not one to simply let go–at least without first trying.

(Leave a comment)

September 30th, 2015

05:18 pm - Older you get

The older you
Youre as old as you want to be

(Leave a comment)

September 27th, 2015

04:23 pm - How to talk to crazy ppl


(Leave a comment)

> previous 10 entries
> next 10 entries
> Go to Top